One crisis at a time

I’m no hypocrite, and have no problem in admitting that a tooth ache bothers me more than all the hunger in Africa or the abuses to the human rights in China.

If you aren’t going to do anything about it, have no power to change things according to your sense of justice, talking about it and making a sad face is no more than a waste of time and pure hypocrisy.

Especially when you don’t help out, put on a poor show about it and got out to dinner in a fancy restaurant or spend a bundle in a perfume.

I’m not against luxury, the luxury goods industry creates many jobs and prevent a lot of people from having to compete with others less qualified that would have no chance against them. In fact, luxury goods are what create the need for excellence and advance in technologies.

I woke up early this morning and read a magazine I bought yesterday, that is supposed to bring you up to date with the world matters. Social issues and politics, some scandals and tricks used by the rich and famous to rise above the crowd and be successful in life. Basically it adds nothing to my perception of human relations and what people are capable of to get a minute attention by the media. Some articles are interesting thou. Not too profound, more like an appetizer.

One spoke of the new trend of seven stars hotels. The rich are fed up with the lack of exclusivity they get at a Sheraton, for instance. They want to be indulged, have no one bothering them while they take time off. I can understand that very well. Being stalked by the press and fans everywhere you go has to be emotionally exhausting. Even I, an ordinary Joe, many times want to take some time off from the world and my of life.

Taking time off is one of the best things we can do, otherwise our entire existence is drowned in what we usually do, and there is not time left to get to know other realities, forms of thinking and life styles. What we call cultures. That leads us to evolution. And since evolution is based on change, to many, a crisis can occur.

Some of us have evolved into something called “crisis manager”. We perform what is multitasking in computation. Let’s get a little technical here.

Lot’s of computers were sold (and still are) with a single word. Multitasking: the ability to perform numerous tasks simultaneously. And the salespersons showed that happening, right in front of the shoppers very eyes. You can listen to music, be on the internet, play a game and burn a DVD all at the same time. Well, that’s just the sugar coat. In reality, what you have inside that computer is no more than a single processor acting like a fireman. The operating system (managing program) is guiding his actions, telling it when to work on a task, what to do, how fast and for how long. By cycling very fast the tasks at hand, to the shopper it seems that the computer can actually do a lot of stuff at the same time.

The only way a computer can do more than one task at a time, is by having more than one processor. That way, it can be working on more than one task at a time, without interrupting to put out the next major crisis at hand.

It might seem that we are like computers. That is almost correct, except for the timeline. Computers are like humans. Having only one brain, we too can only solve one problem at a time. Remember the panic button? That is what the computer is doing when you ask it to do more than one thing simultaneously. The big difference here is that computers are designed to work like that, while we weren’t. OK, not entirely true. We have that potential, but require some training, respect for ourselves and our space and mostly, serenity.

Managers are required to have those and other skills. Be able to work like a bottleneck that receives information, prioritize it, work, decide, and come out with answers to the problems posed. Since we are all managers at some level, we all are required to do the same thing.

Computers use something called a stack to keep track of what they have to do, done already and what happened to that information. Mathematically it’s a fabulous idea and in theory it works like a charm. In practice, sometimes it doesn’t. The physical world still has some secrets and we can’t yet explain everything. The exceptions to the rule happen so few times that they become unimportant and easily solved. Hit the reset button and you are on your way again. But the important thing here is, computers have flaws too. And we designed them, so we know almost everything about them.

Nature designed the human brain. We are still poking it and seeing what happens. We came with no instructions manual, so that’s the only way we have to try to figure it out. I got a taste of it when I was asked to learn how to program a robot that was in a German based programming language. Needless to say, I can only swear in German, and I’m still lousy at it.

Having only one brain, we have to act like the crazy fireman that runs off to the one with the biggest flames, and cycle thru them while trying to keep the whole house from burning down. Since we did not designed our brains and our knowledge over it is still very little, variables like emotions can cause a crash in our organic processor, AKA brain.

So, not knowing much about what our brain really is and how it works, we were still capable of building a machine that has those functions we already know of, and made it better: much faster, extremely precise, reliable, and recently, quite cheap. But it still can fail. If somehow it loses control over what is happening, it freezes. The panic button is still being pounded and the stack eventually fills up. Memory overflow. You just ran out of memory in which to store information about the new demands, and that is because you could not empty the stack fast enough.

Both computers and humans have limitations as to how fast they can get work done. And sometimes, if you want that job done, you will just have to wait.

In the modern world waiting is a forbidden word. We all want everything NOW. That is why we have memory overflow’s, and are increasingly making use of the reset button. Have you noticed how much more drugs we are using just to keep up with the pressure? And when drugs don’t work, we always have mental institutions for the one’s that couldn’t handle it.

Success is measured in a lot of ways. Technical abilities are required, but some expertise in emotional intelligence is fundamental. Let’s get tech again.

Most people associate the word Protocol to politics. Actually, a protocol is a set of rules that enable two entities to communicate. It’s like a language. You can understand me because we are using the same protocol, the English language. Well, humans need more than just a common spoken or written language. They need a behavioral protocol in order to be compatible. And in the case of emotional intelligence, it’s even harder, because the rules are always changing. You have to sync with the other person.

Try to picture yourself blind and using a cane to move around. You have to touch the objects in your path in order to avoid them and get safely to your destination with no bruised legs due to a collision with the coffee table or the fire hydrant. That’s how emotional intelligence works. You have to feel were are the emotional hard spots, and avoid them in order to get to a smile with the person you are talking to. Otherwise, you might get bruised, and these bruises take longer to heal.

Everyone is talking about emotional intelligence these days. Mostly directed to others. But what about using it on ourselves? We too have a need to keep functional, and when pressure increases, we can only do that thru self-respect. If you don’t respect yourself, you don’t respect your limitations, and eventually you will have to press that reset button. The people that put the pressure on you will criticize you for not knowing when to say halt, alleging that they couldn’t guess when you were over the top. Your crime: no self-respect, and as a consequence, you tried to compensate that by being a nicer guy, that never said no.

Computers were created based on us. We have prepared them to say no. So why do we demand more from us, than from the machines we created to serve us? Can it be that humans already deserve less respect than machines?

Walking thru fire

I must say that this last year has been one of the most challenging ever. Even thou my course wasn’t easy, mostly because of my way of dealing with pressure, you can learn a lot in everything you get involved if you truly want to, and keep your eyes peeled.

So, in saying farewell to this year, I’m not going to rattle about new years resolutions, the kind everybody talks and make promises, and eventually never keep. Most of them are made during new years alcoholic waste state, anyway, and don’t even survive the hangover.

In a year of trial by fire, where I had to test myself again in all aspects of life, I must admit that the results weren’t perfect, but very satisfactory just the same.

Even if the prize you aimed for wasn’t achieved, it’s a sign of wisdom when you recognize that other benefits were gained. Life rarely seems fair, and when it does, it’s pure coincidence. We chose to believe in what suits the most to our emotional needs.

So if my goals weren’t achieved like I set them at first, why am I not mad or disappointed? Because that kind of attitude is in the past. You learn how to get jigged with it. Smoothly, not rocking the boat, you get a safer journey, and have more chances to reach your destination. Or you can have one hell of a ride. As long as you enjoy it, it’s OK.

Seeing life through the Budo spirit has brought me the serenity I needed. There are main flows of energy in the surrounding environment. Before I looked at life according to my own perspective of what’s right or wrong. That led me to fight off many of those flows, when a lot more powerful forces than mine weren’t going where I thought they should go. Seeing the world thru my sense of order clashed with reality, and the result: I was always the weakest link.

It’s not that I completely embraced life and it’s reality, it’s my nature to be a rebel at heart and to question everything along the way. It’s just that it doesn’t matter anymore, not the way it did before. Right now I’m playing my part, doing as I’m told. I make my point and let others decide what they want for the team. Getting to the limit had that effect on me. For the second time in my life I was stripped of all forms of control over my destiny and actions, and had to do the one thing I hated the most. Let others in charge.

If you remember basic physics from school, you recall force vectors. I studied that some years ago, about 17 now. At the time, I liked the subject and was quite good at those calculations. What I didn’t grasp was that force vectors are all around us, and can even have a poetic meaning. Martial arts students know that since those same arts were created. Even if you are stronger than the force opposed to you, why fight it? It’s much easier to apply a small force vector and direct it to anywhere you want. Need it to reverse completely? Add a circular motion, make that force go around your center of gravity and direct it back to where it came from. It’s almost like the Moon orbiting the Earth.

Every body has mass, therefore gravity, therefore influence. Even small force vectors can guide great ones. Try to oppose them and you will most likely get squished. We must always remember that alone we are the weakest link.

Walking thru fire was a learning process. I chose the roughest paths. Got burned more often than needed, spent energies in an unwise way and suffered unnecessarily. Today things are different. I don’t care about things that don’t affect my life directly. Screw the world in general. My world is what I focus my energies now, and that includes me, the people I love and my professional career. Everything else comes second.

Continuity seems to be the answer, so, later on, I might come back to this subject.

Something about the way a smile can touch you

Time and again I have met people that have had an impact on me one way or the other.

First impressions usually are the most accurate, and last longer. And sometimes even after first impressions, people can still amaze you.

Seeing how a person can overcome the bitterness life has brought and start smiling once again is one of the small miracles we can see every day.

And they do happen, not as often as I would like, but that’s just the way it is. All because people don’t change as we would like them to, but at their own pace. And allowing them to do it when they are ready is the best thing. Giving them breathing space, watching them change into who they really are inside, below the defensive layers we all tend to wear when someone makes you the favor of hurting your feelings.

You get the feeling that the world is out to get you, and you take cover. Duck and hide. Many times I have been in that place, and few of them I was lucky enough to have a friend that helped me slow down and think straight.

Although I know what it’s like to go thru it, it never ceases to amaze me whenever someone regains sweetness in their eyes. And I enjoy it like a gift life has brought me. To see a friend get back on track, smile and accept love and serenity.

Just having love and serenity isn’t quite enough. You have to make the right choices. Go after what you really want, and dare to risk.

I could talk all I wanted about struggling to become successful, working hard and making a living, but what good would that do without a smile? Perhaps the smile of the one you want beside you? Or yours?

This may seem mushy, but it’s something I learned some years ago. Life without poetry is like soup without salt. You eat it because you are hungry, but take no pleasure in it.

We all like having a self-image of a good guy, someone that is always there to help out a friend in need. There comes a time, however, when that friend is you. And poetry should be about what makes you feel good when doing something for a friend. By now you should have realized that poetry is just another name for love.

It has been a privilege to be able to escort some people in their path back to having poetry in their life. One in particular that will have no trouble in knowing who she is. Big changes have happened in the last months, all for the better. At first I only had faith in you. Now there is so much more. You have showed me that you are for real. Your strength has materialized, you have goals for which you are fighting for, and you have sweetness in your eyes. Seeing you smile has touched me in a special way. Thank you for allowing me to be there. I can only wait to see what more surprises you have up your sleeve. And I know you are strong enough. Question is, do you believe it?

The importance of unimportant

Catchy phrase, isn’t it? I thought so too. Thing is, it’s much more than a phrase. It’s a way of life. It’s a whole new deal. And how is that? Give stress a break. Let’s get down to a lower level and check out how this is done.

For starters, I’m not unique, which means that there are a lot of people out there that take their life and goals a little too serious. So serious that it became dramatic when certain things were unachievable for one reason or another.

How to cope to that extreme seriousness was a challenge. Things were not always that way. Somewhere along the line, it changed from an innocent childhood to a dark period, caused only by seeing things in black and white, no gray scale. When you feel losing ground, your world crumbling and you can do nothing about it, you have two choices: conformity or rebellion. Either way is not such a great choice. I lacked one very important thing, a midterm. Extremes are very easy choices. It requires no attention to details.

It’s kind of like having a meal. If you want to satisfy your physiological needs, you can go to a fast food. If you aim to give yourself a treat, get to a proper restaurant, order what you know is good, take time to enjoy the wine and whatever food you are served. Don’t rush in, let pleasure work it’s way into your senses.

Changes have become a constant in life, as most people said it would. But when those changes are for the worst most of the times, and it’s out of your control, then you can get really enraged and fight off any one that tries to mess with your reality.

One other aspect is that you get extremely defensive and deny entry into your world. No one gets in unless proven worthy over and over again. And sometimes you feel that conceding that reward is partly a favor you do to those that have been more than common friends for quite some time now. So, very few get there, if any. And the world will never get to know the treasures some of these people have inside, because they just don’t let anyone in.

Well, chilling out happens when you are ready. No matter how much people tell you what to do, how to act or react.

One tip, that no one who really needs it will acknowledge: Things are rarely as important or grave as we see them. Rushing into a response to whatever challenges life poses, usually hands out poor results. Prioritize. Have what’s more important, get to your attention first. Have the humbleness to know when you are over the top. Ask for help whenever you need to. And here’s the gold, take time to do nothing. Allow yourself just to relax and absolutely do nothing. Forget the agenda, toss out that enslaving wrist watch and the ever demanding cell phone. Say goodbye to your boss.

Alone or with a special someone, get out. Get to that special Zen place I was referring to earlier and just let yourself go. Take a break from the world. Even if everything is on fire, there is bound to be someone else to put it out. Even God took some time off at the seventh day.

So, when all things lose their urgency, nature finds it’s own way to fall back into place. Can you do that? Stop red lighting everything in your life? It will be worth the try, believe me.

Fear of Perfection

Every day has its highlights. You come across people, ideas and concepts that make you go further in who you wish to become. Well, yesterday was no different. Having a conversation over a cup of coffee with a new friend, I told her about my experience as a worker, what I felt like on the factories floor level, and some of the things that I observe.

It was a strange topic to approach with a woman. Rarely are they that perceptive or inclined over such subjects, but it felt natural, so it was right. Talking to her, and then reviewing some of her questions, I started wondering about it a bit more.

In the beginning of my professional life, I couldn't care less about the company I worked for, if things went right or wrong, if my contribution was good or bad. I just tried to learn a bit about the whole deal with the elder co-workers. And it puzzled me that many times they didn't want to work better. Sure they all talked about quality, that if it's for the better, then we should change, but they only talked the talk. I could picture no one walking the walk. Heck, for a 20-year-old guy, that's not the end of the world. Life is so filled with better things to do than to wonder about the boss’s issues. All I wanted was my money in the bank every payday. Like most people, right?

Well, my bridge had a lot of troubled water going under, and sometimes even over it. I hopped from one company to the next, mostly having bad examples and learning how not to do things. Another strange thing... Shouldn't people simply tell you what to do and how to do it? It seems to be much more efficient and logic.

That's all fine and dandy when you think of machines, but here we are dealing with humans and all of their unpredictability. We have emotions rushing thru, and they are seldom logic. So what is it that makes people chose not to work in the best possible way? Why do they deliberately sabotage their work? Here's a hint. Perfection of procedures can be a bit frightening. People actually don't fear changes. What they fear is its consequences.

We like to have everything nice and tidy in our minds. That's why we label people and put them on a shelf like little jam jars. We stick in our heads that we know people we come across, label them and stack them up. It's easier this way. We can then turn them into numbers and account them. “In my lot of acquaintances I have 3 nerds, 1 fat stupid kid, that old crone of a mother in law, a fabulous wife, a chief who's head looks like a watermelon...” and so on.

Rarely do we see a person for all that he/she is. I would risk that we never do that, because we can't. It's too much to get to know on the first time we meet someone. Yet, the label is applied anyway. It's reassuring. And who doesn't like having a guaranty? Even if it's placebo, in our minds we can rest at ease, everything is in its “proper” place.

Of corse this solution has it's problems. As I said in the previous post, the world turned out to be dynamic. So everything is constantly changing at every instant. The time we took to shove the people we labeled into our shelves was enough for other people and the surrounding environment to influence him or her. So, the information we think we gathered is dated already. Sure it's a small change, but it was still produced. And it keeps happening even as you read this. Think about it, every second that passes, everyone you know and will meet in your life is changing.

The problem I was referring to is that when we label people, we don't allow them the right to change, to evolve. They still do, right before our very eyes. The best example I can give you is at everyone's houses. Family. Kids want their parents to always be there.

Parents don't want their kids to grow up. Men don't want their spouses to change. Women hope that their husbands will (women are the exception to the rule). And the reason is the same. Fear of the consequences of that change. We basically fear the unknown. “Will it be good? It will most likely be bad.” Most of us are pessimistic about changes. It seems as if we all have a little Murphy dictating his laws inside our heads. Not surprisingly, we feel and act the same in all aspects of life. Even if we don't panic, we usually always act suspicious about changes. Well, that brings us back to the original topic. Quality at work.

When things go wrong at work, you have to overcompensate in order to keep your goals. Dimensions, robustness, smoothness, deadlines... whatever the client demands and that gets you paid.

Most people don't feel fulfilled at work. If you ask around, most will complain about their bosses, colleagues, working conditions, wages, etc, etc. Some might tell you that they don't mind doing it, and probably very few of them will actually tell you that they love their jobs. Now don't ask this in a research center, people there will most likely love what they do. Ask the average Joe.

Emotionally, we all tend to compensate our flaws. So if we don't feel fulfilled with our jobs, maybe we can feel needed. When things go wrong, the chief or boss will ask me to put out the fire. And I can say that in a proud tone of voice at the bar, at the end of the day when the boys gather for a couple of beers. I said earlier that parents don't want their kids to grow up. Exactly the same reason. To feel needed. Then one day they will rebel, sick and tired of being treated like children, and we suddenly realize that they are taking driving lessons. Or maybe when they ask for the car keys for a night out. The emotional downfall is the equivalent to a car crash going 200 km/h. You go from being the most important thing in a person’s world, to complete uselessness.

Of corse people over react. No one goes from great to shit. But with hurt self-esteem, that's what humans do. They punish themselves for not being able to be number one for another day. For not being your kids hero anymore. And we all want things to stay still, sometimes accepting changes in our lives, but expecting them to be at a pace that we can easily digest. Guess what, no such luck.

The world, even the universe has it's own dynamics, it's own pace. The amount of energy required to alter that would be close to infinite. We are very little, and actually powerless to tip the scales.

Back to the working context, people don't like changes when they feel they are needed. If they already feel they are not an important part of the team, they don't give a rat's ass. Me at the age of 20 :)

Talking about quality doesn't bother them. However, it bothers the ones that are usually called to put out the fires, even if they started it themselves with procedures that they already know are wrong. But it keeps them on their toes, they earn more money doing overtime, and they can brag about it at the bar. It's like watching Homer Simpson at Moe's.

When these people hear a whisper about changes or quality, they usually turn on the panic button. "What will happen next? Will I still be needed? Will I still be called to put out the fire? Will I still be the hero? If the work process gets better, will I still make money doing over time? And what will I tell next at Moe's bar? Life will probably be dull. I won't have any complaints of my own when I get home. I will just have to put up with the crap other people will throw at me, and have none to throw back. People will think I have an easy life. And what if they decide that they don't need me at the factory anymore? If everything is predicted, there will be no emergencies, no fires to put out. I will get sacked”.

You can see here how panic mode works. Besides, people hate changes. If you have never read the book “Who moved my cheese?”, do it. It's a must believe me. Now for the news flash. Jobs aren't steady. For a few dozen years we created the artificial illusion that they are, and that you can land on a company and sit there your entire life, without doing much, demanding as much as possible and no one will ever kick you out. That happened in the post WWII period. This artificial illusion is fading, as we enter a new social concept. Service providers. Entrepreneurs. People that specialize in an area, have small companies and compete with each other for costumers that knows how to seek for the better offer. So quality is here to stay, weather we like it or not. As long as there is someone else providing the same service we do, the costumer will be free to choose. And if you want to stay in business, you better stay on your toes.

You take the same person and put him in two different scenarios. One, in which he works for someone else, and Two, he has it's own small company. You tell me in which situation he will work the hardest, and in which will he embrace quality. In Portugal we have a feeble way of using resources. We are a bit like the Americans, like to use the big guns. Having no patience will eventually do that; you start using a cannon to kill a mosquito. And what is the Portuguese biggest weapon? The jewel of the crown that makes every other foreign corporation envy and seek in Portuguese workers. Resourcefulness. What we call “desenrascanso”. Basically, it means, when you get deep into shit, figure out a way to clean your own ass. And we do, we have that skill.

Most Portuguese are almost like a McGuiver. We are very creative in tough situations, we get the job done with no apparent resources and we get out of tight spots. Trouble is, that might be effective, but it sure as hell aint efficient. To do so, we use tools in a way they were not designed for.

Give a German a nail and ask him to put it on a wall, and he will refuse to do it without the proper hammer. Do the same with the Portuguese guy, say it's an emergency and he will take off his shoe and bang the nail with the shoe's heel. He will ruin the shoe, but the nail will be in place. I think you get the picture. So, resourcefulness doesn't seem like much, does it? If you ruin something that costs 20 times more than the proper tool to do the job, it doesn’t seem like the logic thing to do. That is why I said that we are effective, but not efficient. We tend to call for the artillery to kill that mosquito. How? By using resourcefulness in every situation.

Resourcefulness is great for prototyping, but not for a process that aims to be steady. It's for emergencies only. That is why German teams will usually beat the crap out of ours in such conditions, but one element versus the other in an isolated case, they don't stand a chance. If we could only conquer that need to call for the artillery every time we have a situation that repeats itself, we wouldn't be in this economic shit hole.

All it takes is to forget that the panic button exists, think clearly and study the processes. Keep implementing improvements. There's quality for you. As for the question of not being needed, that's just lack of vision on the part of people. If you improve whatever project you embrace, if you evolve and get better as a person and a professional, even if that company eventually doesn't require your services anymore, others will.

Good professionals are hard to come by, and often well paid. Companies aren't eternal, either way. We see a lot of them going bankrupt, and people that sat tight in their asses thinking that no one would move their cheese, will one day find that nothing lasts forever. Not having evolved, they are the ones that will have a hard time finding another job. So why fear perfection?

Boundless through boundaries?

For a long time now, I've thought that leaving this country would be to let go of all things that bind me here.

Not having important worldly possessions, like a house of my own would certainly ease the process. It has occurred to me that it might not be so linear. Some of my most bitter experiences in life have made me need a place to come back to. Having someone there would be fantastic, but still, a place of retirement were you go to lick your wounds and recover from life's blows. Something I eventually called my Zen place.

In truth, life is as complicated as we make it. It's really very simple to work things out if you don't just up and panic. Remaining seated and thinking of the problem with logic is often much more productive and even reassuring to those that surround us. Leadership qualities.

Sometimes it's even better to put a problem to which we don't have a clue, inside a mental drawer. Let it simmer; come back when you think you have the answer. Repeat until you do. Thinking straight requires serenity. Inner peace is what gives you your balance, and with balance you can achieve many things. Here we can work on a static level, wondering about philosophical problems, for instance.

However, in the modern world, things are far from being static. Dynamics seem to be the answer to everything. Fast and furious. Not so fast Jack. Hit the brakes, your are going down.

As any Martial arts student will tell you, most of the techniques they use would be impossible to achieve without one wonderful thing that was probably invented even before civilizations. Leverage. Brute force can take a lot of energy, wear you down, and you might not even get the job done. So a direct approach can be a bit dumb sometimes. However, by using a lever you can multiply your effectiveness and achieve your goals with a lot less strength.

If you have read some of my blog earlier, and paid enough attention, you know by now that no small subject is without a catch. So where is it? Elementary, my dear Watson... Leveraging can be used in every day chores, so it can save your ass. Try to spend a day picking up sacks of cement and you will get an inside view of what I'm talking about.

Wonderful thing about mankind, no matter what we say, we are all lazy. Being lazy is not a bad thing; it just means that you want to spend as little effort as possible in a task. That is why Man became inventive. So, to save his and his fellowman assess, he invented a machine to pick up the sack of cement. Nice, isn't it? Now he can get the job done, faster and with little effort.

Social wise, Man also discovered shortcuts, or longcuts, if you will. Thing is, we became aware that the shortest distance between two points may not always be a straight line. Or the fastest. You just can't do without avoiding dead ends. Learning to deal with people is much harder than learning to deal with machines. Believe me, I know.

Robots might be a stupid thing, but they always do what you tell them. People don't. And they might not even have a reason for it. So it's up to us to be emotionally cleverer, so you can get others to buy your ideas or do what you want them to do. Social leavers. By paying attention to details, small subtleties and working on them, you get to make fabulous things happen.

Think of Formula 1. There really are no bad teams or racers. All of them out there are capable of high performances, way above the common mortal. The difference between really good and excellent sometimes is just a fraction of a second. And what makes them beat that fraction of a second is working hard on details. The closer you are to your limits, the harder it is to make progress.

So what has the initial idea of this post to do with all this? In what way is a Zen place connected to Martial arts or Formula 1? Easy. No enterprise can be achieved thru stress. Turn on the panic mode and you are bound to screw up. You will have to work harder, use more resources than necessary, you won't think straight and if you get by harmlessly it will be plain dumb luck.

I just realized that I have looked most of my enterprises in life like a monster that needed to be tamed. I panicked without a reason, and basically had all that I described above happening to me. The last 10% of my life put me through ordeals that led me to the edge. Either I changed my perspective on things or it would mean the nut house.

Being here writing this is in itself a proof that I've changed for the better. The reason for writing this is that I already embarqued in an enterprise that I feared would bound me and prevent me from ever leaving this country, and that I always saw as a monster. Funny thing thou, I feel more free than before.

So, can it be that it is possible to be boundless through boundaries? That a place to come back to isn't castrative? Actually, my bindings have always been in my mind. That is what always prevented me from taking the next step. I was actually so focused on the problems at hand that I didn't take the time to look for solutions. You guessed it, panic mode. And no, you can't become boundless thru boundaries. What you can do is not get entangled in them.

Boundaries will always be there. Either your own limits, friends, a house to live on, your personal stuff, a girlfriend, kids, and so on. All that help make our lives what they are.