Walking thru fire

I must say that this last year has been one of the most challenging ever. Even thou my course wasn’t easy, mostly because of my way of dealing with pressure, you can learn a lot in everything you get involved if you truly want to, and keep your eyes peeled.

So, in saying farewell to this year, I’m not going to rattle about new years resolutions, the kind everybody talks and make promises, and eventually never keep. Most of them are made during new years alcoholic waste state, anyway, and don’t even survive the hangover.

In a year of trial by fire, where I had to test myself again in all aspects of life, I must admit that the results weren’t perfect, but very satisfactory just the same.

Even if the prize you aimed for wasn’t achieved, it’s a sign of wisdom when you recognize that other benefits were gained. Life rarely seems fair, and when it does, it’s pure coincidence. We chose to believe in what suits the most to our emotional needs.

So if my goals weren’t achieved like I set them at first, why am I not mad or disappointed? Because that kind of attitude is in the past. You learn how to get jigged with it. Smoothly, not rocking the boat, you get a safer journey, and have more chances to reach your destination. Or you can have one hell of a ride. As long as you enjoy it, it’s OK.

Seeing life through the Budo spirit has brought me the serenity I needed. There are main flows of energy in the surrounding environment. Before I looked at life according to my own perspective of what’s right or wrong. That led me to fight off many of those flows, when a lot more powerful forces than mine weren’t going where I thought they should go. Seeing the world thru my sense of order clashed with reality, and the result: I was always the weakest link.

It’s not that I completely embraced life and it’s reality, it’s my nature to be a rebel at heart and to question everything along the way. It’s just that it doesn’t matter anymore, not the way it did before. Right now I’m playing my part, doing as I’m told. I make my point and let others decide what they want for the team. Getting to the limit had that effect on me. For the second time in my life I was stripped of all forms of control over my destiny and actions, and had to do the one thing I hated the most. Let others in charge.

If you remember basic physics from school, you recall force vectors. I studied that some years ago, about 17 now. At the time, I liked the subject and was quite good at those calculations. What I didn’t grasp was that force vectors are all around us, and can even have a poetic meaning. Martial arts students know that since those same arts were created. Even if you are stronger than the force opposed to you, why fight it? It’s much easier to apply a small force vector and direct it to anywhere you want. Need it to reverse completely? Add a circular motion, make that force go around your center of gravity and direct it back to where it came from. It’s almost like the Moon orbiting the Earth.

Every body has mass, therefore gravity, therefore influence. Even small force vectors can guide great ones. Try to oppose them and you will most likely get squished. We must always remember that alone we are the weakest link.

Walking thru fire was a learning process. I chose the roughest paths. Got burned more often than needed, spent energies in an unwise way and suffered unnecessarily. Today things are different. I don’t care about things that don’t affect my life directly. Screw the world in general. My world is what I focus my energies now, and that includes me, the people I love and my professional career. Everything else comes second.

Continuity seems to be the answer, so, later on, I might come back to this subject.