sábado, fevereiro 03, 2007

Facing Life


No matter how much money you have, some things money can’t buy. It helps like hell having it thou.

What’s inside of you can’t be changed thru money, unless it’s some illness that medicine has mastered. But what I’m really talking about, is an inner journey.

Unlike the common existential crisis most of us seem to have while teenagers, in which we try to force the acceptance of ourselves in the world by pushing others aside, achieving inner peace and calmly watching the world around us is much more about going with the flow. You row your own boat, decide were you want to go, but if you mean to head down the river, there is no point in rowing upstream.

Some friends of mine are going thru some difficulties. It has always been my nature to help my friends, and even some that aren’t friends. One in particular deserves my special attention right now.

Having tried to reach him, I found this guy in the loneliest place I can think of. Inside himself. He shut out the world and protected himself from harm. A world of his creation was built in his mind, especially for his own needs, adjusted to protect his weak spots. And right now, they where all around.

I was there myself, at the age of 15. The world was just too confusing to live in, and so, I created my own world, with rules I could understand and live by. So I know the type of hell he got himself into. I’m a bit like the main character in the movie “Constantine”. If you haven’t seen it, get to it. It’s a must. I’m not going to tell you the whole story. All you need to know right now is that Constantine can walk in both worlds, ours and Hell. Having his own problems, which he cant solve, he seeks redemption by helping others. He expels demons from Earth and rescues lost souls from Hell. I guess we all have a mission in life.

I’m not sure of the exact rules of my friend’s personal world, but I am aware of the type of rules. This means that I can walk thru white hot charcoal and not get burned… much.

I believe that my friend has 2 problems, and they are the exact problems that Constantine fixed. A demon that must be expelled, and a soul that needs to be rescued. I’ve seen signs of both.

I went out with him recently, and his soul showed me a glimmer. It’s an amazing feeling when you see someone that has been lost inside himself gets that glow in the eyes when he feels he has accomplished something. His soul is there, intact, pure has mountain water. He just needs to be brought back.

You could ask why do I do this. Everyone else seems so tangled in their own lives, too busy to lay a helping hand. Well, let me tell you. The world can’t afford to lose someone like him. It’s people like him that keep this ugly reality we live in bearable. It’s people like him that shows the way to hope. So, my world, and yours would be much poorer without him. That’s why he needs to get back from that Hell he got himself into.

I could carry him back, but that isn’t the right thing to do. He has his own battle to win, which will leave scars. Those scars will be his medals. I’m sure that he can make it on its own. Perhaps all he needs is someone to point him the way out.

Thanks for that sign of hope you gave me kid. I was doing this on an act of faith. Right now, I have something real in which to believe. You are still with us, just in another dimension. Come back home, your friends are waiting with open arms.

Master of the Wind



When I was a kid, sitting in front of the TV was one of my main activities. I used to watch a lot of wild life documentaries, which I don’t anymore, since they all look ancient news to me.

I remember distinctly one about an amazing bird called the albatross. If I tell you I was impressed, that’s an understatement. The albatross can fly further and with less effort than any other bird in the world. It does that by taking advantage of the shape of it’s body, but also it’s ability to master the wind currents.

Apart from taking off, you rarely see an albatross flap it’s wings. It knows how not to need it. When in the air, this creature becomes one with the space and the surrounding forces. Unlike other birds, the albatross doesn’t fight against what surrounds, it takes advantage of the main forces and adjusts them to it’s needs.

The title might be misleading to some. The albatross doesn’t command the winds, but ratter knows how to recognize them. Knowledge is your greatest asset. It’s what allows you to use your intelligence and decide what to do next.

Seeing this bird fly is one of the most relaxing things you can do. Straight, assertive, the albatross doesn’t seem to make mistakes. In it’s very calm way, it flies where it wants. No sorrows, no turning back, every change in it’s flight is as wide as possible, so it doesn’t waste energy. It’s secret… the albatross takes the easy path. It doesn’t fight off the nature of the winds, which are too strong for it’s frail wings.

We should all learn a lesson from the wise albatross. Humans are poorly built too. Body and mind are weak, and should be cared for. Stress in our lives can be like the wind to the albatross. Don’t fight the flow, that would be like running against the bulls in Pamplona. If you want to be effective like the albatross, redirect the flow instead of trying to stop it. You will stay in the air much longer, with fewer concerns and live a much happier life.

Mastering the winds will enable you to look ahead to long term goals, decide what you want for yourself and actually have the energy to do it.

Even a storm will have main flows of energy. Chose wisely and get on board of one. Even if it’s not perfect (nothing ever seems to be), you can make use of your little force to redirect it a little to meet your dreams. If you fail, well, you’ve got the best ride there is.

Maybe your dreams were a bit too far ahead for the world you were born in. Don’t worry about that. Try not to be so selfish that everything has to be you and about you. If life brings you 90% happiness, please don’t focus on the last 10%. Enjoy what you’ve got. Count your blessings and you may realize that you are actually much luckier than you thought.

On your journey thru life, inspire others. Some people are a bit like comets. They pass us by in a blaze. Set us on fire and disappear with the blink of an eye. They still can leave a lasting impression. Make that impression a good one. Let others learn from your mistakes, even if your home is where you hang your coat. Even if you have the soul of an albatross, while you fly by, someone might see you and realize something important about how to have an easier flight.

Master the winds by mastering yourself first. Search within for the right questions to ask.

quarta-feira, janeiro 31, 2007

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

The hollies released a song a long time ago with this title. Recently I’ve rediscovered it, and once again I’ve started thinking. Pay good attention to the lyrics, it’s worth it.

I know that many days when you get up in the morning, you just feel like going back to bed, or cursing everyone and everything around you. No matter what might happen that day, you always have a good chance to discover the unexpected.

You never know what will happen, who you will meet. Sometimes it might be a jerk or a bitch, but others you might find a good friend. And friends might even become very good friends.

We live in a world that tries it’s best to push us in going faster and further, creating such a huge pressure that sometimes a warrior can’t stand it and falls on it’s knees. That warrior might be you or me, or someone else. And the name of the game is everyone for itself. You guessed it wrong.

It was about 3 years now, that one of the best teachers I’ve had so far told me that “when in a tight spot, friends are what gets you by”. That sentence still knocks on the back of my mind from time to time. It was an instant life lesson when I needed it.

Throughout my life, I’ve met some friends in unsuspecting days. Those where the best friendships I’ve made so far, most still last. And all it took was to reach out to them with an open heart. Or let them discover who I am.

Over the years, some very complicated issues have happened to me, in which I went down to the bottom of the pit. A friend eventually helped me up. Other times I’ve been there for others, and my only reward was a smile, which was more than enough. And that has been both the best use of my free time, and a way to sometimes let aside my personal and complicated problems while I was unable to handle them.

When you help out a friend, that is never a burden. Some friends are more than brothers. If you would do that for a brother, and it wouldn’t feel heavy, why not for a good friend?

Helping out those in need isn’t always about lending money or solving some legal issue, or even helping someone get a job. Some times, helping someone to smile is a bigger achievement than all the rest. Help someone to rediscover the surrounding beauty in nature, the gift of life. Do it freely, expecting no reward. Spend some of your free time with your friends, whether they need help or not.

Karma was a word taught to me by a friend. Not knowing, I always practiced it from the start. Do good, and eventually it will come back to you. One thing I can promise you, your life will feel much more fulfilled. As years go by, you will look back and find a trail of love behind you, with friends by your side.

So keep in your mind, he ain’t heavy, he’s your brother.

domingo, janeiro 28, 2007

Being a hero


To how many people do we try to be heroes in our lives? Right now they aren’t many, but they have been over the years. It’s been some years since I realized that heroes pass us by in the street and we don’t even know it. They are not mediatic, the TV and the newspapers don’t talk about them. Still, they are there, day in and day out. So how do we tell who they are?

Lets start looking in our own houses. Real heroes are usually shy and don’t do stunts for public display. They do something better. Instead of one time achievements that hit the tabloids, they keep it real every day. You see, the real heroes are the ones that stand by you thru thick and thin.

You can tell someone is a hero when that person hangs in a shitty job to keep all the bills in order. Or gives up a dream to stand by you. A hero will never let any loved one hurt, even if it hurts him more. Heroes are people that lead a live based on love, and sacrifice a lot do give a little bit. Still, a hero will never throw it in your face. Perhaps you have a hero in your own home, or you are one yourself.

No matter how unselfish you are, it will hurt sometimes when you feel that people don’t appreciate your efforts or fall back on your expectations. You give it all for someone and sometimes that someone doesn’t realize that luck has knocked at his door. But a hero seldom complains, because the actions and sacrifices taken were from the bottom of the heart.

Loving parents know this. The sacrifices that they do everyday show that a smile from their child is sometimes a better reward than risking in going after a professional dream, or giving themselves a treat, like a sports car, a better house or brand clothes.

Now humans are building bugs. Either a family or a career, most of us have to build something. And sometimes, going after one is incompatible with the pursue of the other.

Grownups can handle most anything, and they have the structure to cope with disappointment. If you are being a hero to a child, never promise anything that you can’t do. After the first broken promise, it will be easy to just keep going on, thinking that they will understand and that you can make it up later. That won’t happen. Children will forgive you, but they wont forget. Constant disappointments from the people they thrust the most will leave scars throughout life.

Whenever you bet on one way or the other, make sure you take it serious. If you chose to have a career, bet on it heavily. When it’s time to start your family, never fail them. Make sure you get down on the dirt with the kids, participate in each other activities and spend time together. We can all be heroes, and in more ways than one.

Believe me, for instant actions, most of the time you cant tell if someone was brave or just stupid. Continuity in making an effort for someone else’s happiness, that’s what I call courage. Only love will make you keep going, forgiving and being forgiven. Respect however, will make you go that extra mile not to hurt the one’s you love.

terça-feira, janeiro 23, 2007

Friends are all that matters


Last Saturday night I was honored with the invitation for a friend’s birthday party.

I didn’t knew most of the people there, but everyone was so friendly and easy going, that I felt mostly among friends.

Dinner has rather fun, with some nice ladies there, loads of jokes and some pranks too. But the best part was yet to come. One of the pranks involved a plucked chicken that I took there, and served on a plate to a friend. This was on account of a private joke that happened some years ago, and is still famous.

Some compliments were exchanged between me and that guy, and believe me, in spite of being a jokester and a prank lover, I would be insane to compete against him. That guy is positively nuts and has absolutely no moral barriers in what he can say or do. Never the less, he is responsible and I have never heard of him toying with anyone’s safety or feelings.

Thing is, that chicken got more than it bargained for. Not only it was a revival of some shocking memories, but it led to something completely unexpected. I traded it for the waitress phone number. That’s right folks, a chicken for a number. It happened to me, and I still cant believe it. I paid around 2,5€ for that chicken, had a good laugh and later recycled it by trading it for a way to connect to a hot waitress. Not bad, huh?

After we left the restaurant, we went on to a bar. There was a band playing, and we joined in with the crowd, singing our lungs out and dancing like there was no tomorrow.

We sang Happy Birthday to Bruno, and lifted him up in the air. Now that was special. That’s when you can tell that someone is lucky enough to have friends that are there for you at all times. And recently, he was there for me. We don’t thank each other anymore. This kind of friendship doesn’t need that. We just give back went it’s time to help each other out.

In the middle of the night, you sometimes see people slow down and get that empty look in the eyes. You can distinctly tell that all is not ok with them, and sometimes you force yourself into a mood change not to ruin other people’s party. I must had been one of those empty eyes at some point, and I saw some others there too. I guess everyone has it’s own problems. But when you get together to celebrate the birthday of a friend like this, all is left behind.

There was one other thing that impressed me more than anything, and it happened during dinner. The way that Bruno’s sister looked out for her other brother. You can sense when love is in the air, whatever kind of love it is. Complicity and tenderness was what I felt from the outside. Sensitivity let’s you know this kind of stuff. I owe that to the women in my life.

There really are much more elegant ways to life than reacting with a hot head and loosing your patience. And there it was, the proof that my thoughts were correct.

I must congratulate this set of brothers. From one I gained a friendship that is unique so far. Not so much because of being someone so special that he can stand out in any crowd. He came around in the precise moment I needed a friend the most, and stood by me. Protected his space, respected himself and took no crap from me, even when I pushed people away due to the massive frustration I felt in my life and the way I was being screwed.

I applauded his courage in pursuing the love he felt once for someone that was very special to him. Even thou I knew the real reasons he had for leaving his country, family and friends, my hug and best whishes were given to him. When he came back, I welcomed home a man that had the maturity to realize that the quest he took was for a grail that didn’t existed anymore.

For all this and much more, this post is an homage to a friend that with his soft ways made me understand that rage and frustration leads only to self destruction. This was a friend that rescued my soul and helped me understand how I can help others too. I tend to need someone like this from time to time. I can only hope this time was the last, and if not, I will be a lucky man if a friend like him comes around when I need it again.

We should always let people know how important they are to those that surround them before it’s too late. I intend to do that every day with those I come across in my path.

You’ve got a good angle on life kid. Hope I can measure up to your example.

Domo arigato gozai masta Bruno san.

domingo, janeiro 14, 2007

The right to be ambitious


I was always a dreamer. My hobbies as a child was watching TV and building stuff with LEGO (thank you, oh thank you Mr. Ole Christiansen). I was an early reader as well. By the time I was 7, I had read Louis Pasteur’s biography, was able to read 2 books intended for children per day, was fascinated with a book about astronomy that my mother let me chose from a door to door salesman, tried to explain everything around me, and so on.

To tell you the truth, I still do most of those things nearly 25 years later. Except for the LEGO, which I replaced with some more challenging stuff. Oh, and I’ve lost patience to read huge books that rattle on about nothing just to get the story solved in the last 5 pages. What a waste of paper, and of my time.

I didn’t knew why, but the stars always fascinated me. Later I found out that the depths of the ocean did too. Physics and electronics, math… all those were absolutely fantastic. The conclusion I later came to, was that I was fascinated by anything I couldn’t directly touch. Worlds that need some elegant form to be seen, manipulated and understood.

Years went by, and I still get that glitter in my eyes whenever I sense an opportunity. I’m a child again, dreaming of the possibilities, getting everyone’s attention to that problem and trying to solve it.

Now I’ve come to a point that I can honestly say that the difference between a boy and a man is how much their toys cost. I’m starting to enter the big league, and already I aim to do something extraordinary.

I’ve always sensed ever since I was a kid that my life would be something out of the common. That’s my oldest passion. The Chinese have a saying that states “may you live in interesting times”. They also have another that has become my personal favorite “It’s better to light a candle than to curse the dark”.

I think I have both at hand. This are certainly interesting times we live in, and I keep trying to light candles. I know that it will someday necessary for me to leave Portugal in search of more. And if I can make what I want here, money wont be an issue. Just how people function. I need to see for myself if the stupid actions we take in this country are taken abroad also.

Poverty is a serious thing, but spiritual poverty is all the more grave. That depends on you. Not everyone can excel, and I don’t even think that I’m something else. I just try. I try to achieve my full potential. Having someone better than me doesn’t bother me. I feel like I’m part of a global team, that everyone has a responsibility over mankind, and we all can contribute with a little something.

Intelligence is probably our greatest asset. One of the gifts we all received when entering life. Some with more, others with less, we can all come out with new ideas and concepts, that others might even develop, but that someone had to think of.

One of the most difficult things to conquer are people. We create some of the greatest difficulties in getting ahead. That is why for me, I will get every thing I can from this country as fast as I can. Some day I will break out, carrying with me the knowledge I scraped for myself, and use it were people aren’t so near sighted. I feel it’s easier to make something for Portugal from abroad than from here.

Having vision in here is a nice way to get enemies. Most everyone hate the idea of changes. The Portuguese are so used to having little that whenever someone gets to a position that allows some changes to happen, he or she serves himself before the company or the country. Fertile ground for corruption.

I don’t want to settle down for long. Just enough to help things to change for the better, and then to head for other challenges.

Learning while I cut open my path, I will eventually get there. To be able to be in a position that allows me to give something back. That’s when I will come full circle.

Having to chose between friends


Sometimes life plays tricks on you. It’s never an easy task to have to chose between friends, but what if you really have to?

The very idea might seem appalling, and believe me, I don’t like it either. But I sometimes have been placed in that spot, and when you feel there is no way out, everything must turn practical or it’s your heart on a stick.

This really isn’t easy to explain. In the end someone always gets hurt. And selfish as it might seem, if you face life’s responsibilities towards yourself and the ones you love, no matter how much it pains you, the answer is right before you.

To get in a little deeper on the subject, this one is about people that you hold close to your heart and that disappoint you. With or without guilt, on purpose or not, those people eventually make you suffer and the shit is, you are always the common factor.

Now, some years ago I devised a strategy to prevent people from hurting me. It’s really very simple. Expect nothing from them, that way they cant disappoint you. No disappointment, no pain. This is the part you can control.

What you can’t control is when you look into someone’s eyes and Kaboom… you’ve surrendered. There is no way out, no turning back, you are there.

If that person doesn’t feel the same, you will hurt and she wont even know it. If she is bright enough, she can tell. Being friends, the last thing she will want is to hurt you. But that’s beyond her control.

So, you find yourself in an emotional crisis. What do you do? Keep in touch with that person, which is what you want the most, and see her get on with her life elsewhere? Or do you step aside and drift away, drunk with feelings that you don’t want to understand, and get on with your own life?

Now this is the part where you need to chose between friends. At that point, keep being friends with her is not compatible with being friend to yourself. Just thinking of her hurts you, not to mention talking or seeing.

Decisions like these never come easy. You reach deep into your gut, and rip out the answer. And your self-esteem came thru. Being your own friend was the way to survive. You just couldn’t bare hurting anymore and life had to go on. To many things going on, a family crisis, keeping functional at your job, deciding about what direction you want your life to head… and you plunge into work. Die to the world, find a nice cave, get in and lick your wounds until you hibernate.

Working has a mild healing effect. It’s not an all healing balm, it can’t fix some of the scars. And if you don’t stop in time, it can get addictive. But when your life seems like a deck of cards that was pushed off the table, it’s an easy solution. At least you are making some sense out of chaos and feeling that at least a part of your life is being successful.

Radical changes can really give you some sort of redemption. The advantage of a new start is that you can be as bold as you like and screw everyone else’s opinion. This was when robots came into my life. And this was when I worked the most, for the smallest pay in my life too. But you know what? It was worth it. I lost that sense of insecurity that was holding me back, and managed to look up into the sky again. And this time, there was no need for rain to hide the tears.

Volkswagen was a huge project. One that in spite of all the flaws that occurred, taught me a lot about coordination, security, team work, and I was able to see what it was like to really apply quality and management tools in a crisis situation were everyone panics. Keeping cool under pressure is nothing less than fabulous. After leaving it, more robots followed. And amazingly, they still do.

Robots are a demanding mistress. They fuck you up, drain all your energies, keep you from family and friends, but also get you to heaven in ecstasy. It’s easy to forget the rest of the world when they get under your skin. I usually forget to eat, so it shouldn’t be too hard to understand the kind of fascination. When you get bitten by the industry bug, you will know what I’m talking about.

During this period I was put to a test that I nearly didn’t came out of. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? That’s only partly true, because every battle leaves it’s scars. Anyway, I’m glad about the joint effort that this family has put into getting out of the hole. Finally, honesty, truth, hard work, tolerance and especially, a lot of love made what wasn’t there for 30 years. A family unit.

Before all this, that required me to be my friend, and keeping friend with someone that had no chance to avoid hurting me (it was out of her hands), I had to make the only possible choice. Guilt was never an issue. And if guilt existed, it was mine. But the damage was done and I needed to keep walking. So you see, sometimes when friends don’t walk the same track for some time, that doesn’t mean that they have turned their back on each other. Sometimes you just need to make it on your own.

sábado, janeiro 13, 2007

The right to what kind of life?

Pregnancy interruption is on the Portuguese agenda once again. The society finds itself divided in matters of opinion, and a lot of talk is done, without much thinking as far as I’m aware of.

Passion rules the game, and so, people don’t reason much about this when they let their ideologies and personal feelings take charge, shutting out any other argument. From careful and respectful discussion could bring some light into this, but people don’t allow that to happen.

This is not the first time that the Portuguese are called to vote on this subject. The last referendum was actually a disgrace, since the abstinence was so high that the decision made was as far as I can see not a true image of the country’s opinion.

Two basic scenarios come to mind. People with money, and people without. The rich will always be in the clear. Spain is just a few kilometers away. Cross the border, no one knows you, get a safe and legal abortion and you can get back to the sanctity of your life with an untouched image. And all for a measly 1000€ or so. To some this is peanuts.

Then there are those with less money, but that can still afford it, or have someone that loans them the money, It’s still possible, and gets done in the same terms.

Last, of corse, come those that have no money to overcome this obstacle. Wishing to make an abortion or not, these people cant get by well in life. Pain is already a steady companion of them. Usually, birth control isn’t what they think of. Condoms are expensive, a steady couple wont want to use them anyway, and other contraceptive methods have side effects too. So every solution has it’s own faults. Nothing is perfect.

Faced with the choice to have more kids, this decision is not one that any woman can make lightly. Her body is in jeopardy, her health too, and unlike physical scars, the emotional ones will last forever. This has nothing to do with your social status, feelings are universal.

I have been in contact with some very nasty situations, and believe me, no matter what kind of decision you make, suffering is on the way if you are poor. Unfortunately that is the majority of society.

I’ve heard many talk about the responsibility of the life on the way. I hear nothing about the responsibility of the lives that already where born. A family with 4 or 5 kids and no financial resources isn’t uncommon. Leave your Mercedes at home and take a walk on the poor neighborhoods. Blend in and see in what conditions people there have to live in.

If you cant even feed your born children, dress them and provide them with a proper education, what sense is there in having another? The old idea that were 3 eat, 4 can sit, has died a long time ago. In order to progress in life, you need health care, a good family environment, and decent education. Bringing another member to the family, as harsh as this may seem, it’s not just another mouth to feed. It requires a lot more resources than that to give that person a healthy beginning in life, and a chance to be professionally competitive later on. What is happening is that this kids will grow up in lousy conditions, hurting from the beginning, and having no perspectives in one day getting out of the though neighborhood, lead an honest life and having their own healthy family. They will carry too many traumas for that, having felt outsiders in their own country, left out by their own people. What sane mother would want that for a son?

Social services exist, and that’s one of the main reasons of the people against abortion advocate. Easy to talk about what you don’t know. How many have seen the conditions those places offer? Do we as a society really provide a way out thru those institutions?

Also, I can’t forget that mega scandals related to pedophilia have hit the courts, relating at least one of the most prestigious institutions. Things aren’t still fully disclosed, but smoke doesn’t come without fire, unless you use dry ice.

This particular scandal made the nation feel nauseous, and after some 30 years of attempts, it finally came to the court stand, were it lies for some years now, involving some of the most respected figures of society, that apparently found young male kids asses a delicacy.

So, in the end, these institutions function as… chicken farms? And periodically we take some to the slaughter house to feed the rich perverts that pay enormous amounts of money for the privilege of eating a forbidden fruit in total secrecy? I find this so called humanity a perfect joke, that was never funny at any point.

As long as we can’t provide a safe and healthy future for the children that cant be looked after by their families, we have no right to act all moralist. No mother or father would want to pass the chance to have another son as long as they had a sufficient economic condition.

Do we really want to give the right to a life that might be profoundly filled by frustration, rejection, hate, anger and other traumas? It really is easy to be a boss in other people’s houses.

Music has been much of my inspiration in a lot of subjects over which I sometimes think about. One in particular hits the spot in this matter, although I’m not aware if it was written based on the same problem. Here it is, it’s quite famous for many, but some may not have paid enough attention to the lyrics:

Metallica – Until it sleeps

Where do I take this pain of mine

I run but it stays right by my side

So tear me open and pour me out

There’s things inside that scream and shout

And the pain still hates me

So hold me until it sleeps

Just like the curse, just like the stray

You feed it once and now it stays

Now it stays

So tear me open but beware

There’s things inside without a care

And the dirt still stains me

So wash me until I’m clean

It grips you so hold me

It stains you so hold me

It hates you so hold me

It holds you so hold me

Until it sleeps

So tell me why you’ve chosen me

Don’t want your grip

Don’t want your greed

Don’t want it

I’ll tear me open make you gone

No more can you hurt anyone

And the fear still shakes me

So hold me, until it sleeps

It grips you so hold me

It stains you so hold me

It hates you so hold me

It holds you, holds you holds you until it sleeps

I don’t want it want it want it want it want it

No

So tear me open but beware

There’s things inside without a care

And the dirt still stains me

So wash me ‘til I’m clean

I’ll tear thee open make you gone

No longer will you hurt anyone

And the hate still shapes me

So hold me until it sleeps

quarta-feira, janeiro 03, 2007

Once upon a time in the West


I must had been a teenager when Dire Straits released this song. Nothing much about it. It has Knopfler’s magic touch in the guitar, a nice rhythm, but that’s about how far it goes. It was never one of my all time favorites.

Thing is, not everything or everybody can be exceptional. Real remarkable things or persons get to be seen like that because they rise above of the common. Still, the common is what keeps us in a day-by-day basis.

It’s common to hear this phrase: “Xmas should be everyday”. Couldn’t disagree more. Xmas is a special occasion precisely because we have it once a year. Of the 356 days, only one is formally dedicated to that festivity that in the modern days has too many strings attached to it, but still, families gather and that’s what it’s all about.

We should all be disciplined enough to limit special things in our lives, and have them on special occasions. Turning them into a routine strips them from that special character. They become common, and pretty soon dull.

You can extent that to all things in your life. A malt whisky, a sports car, a good movie, night out’s, that special someone…

Sticking to the last example, let’s try and foresee what happens when you consume a person in excessive doses. This is no surprise to many, but some may sometimes forget it.

Imagine you have a neighbor that’s excessively friendly. You even like the guy, think he is OK, but he starts coming around one time too often. Any excuse is a good one to knock on your door. Never mind his or her motives, you start getting tired of that. Soon enough you can’t do anything in your life, just to attend to that person’s solicitations.

Now, imagine this happening with your better half. Suffocating is an understatement.

No matter what our needs are, we should always limit some of our impulses and think on the other persons needs too. The first time I knock on her door I might get a kiss, but by the tenth time that day, I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t unleash the dogs on me. Giving breathing room is what it’s all about. I much ratter receiving a smile and a kiss from a girlfriend than making out with her Pit Bull.

Back to the songs, everybody has it’s favorites. Songs that we love, and that touches in deep. Some tickle that dancing vein we have inside and gets us jumping, others makes you want to lie on the sofa with a nice drink and just relax. If you abuse that pleasure, you will start to get fed up with it, later on nauseous, and finally scream out loud “will someone please get me out of this?”

So what starts as a well intended pleasure, will eventually turn into something kind of ugly. And why? You abused it. Lack of discipline in consumption.

By now some have already crucified me and are getting the cross up so I can be on public display, but hold on a sec. Even thou you might be in love, and want to spend every waking moment with that someone, that doesn’t mean that it’s what you need. You see, many times what you need and what you want are two different things. And if you like that person for real, and want to be with her, what you want is to be together, but what you need is to make her feel comfortable with you and not scare her off. I’ve seen that happen so many times I’ve lost count.

This is why the common things play an important part in everyday life. I have some very nice restaurants near my place. I can take a girl there and make it special. But if I do it every night, in spite of costing me a fortune, it will lose that special character, and one night she will probably even ask me to just stay at home.

Same with music. Hear it too many times, and you will eventually burn out some fantastic songs. Keep it short and it will always be special. Too short however, and life will be tasteless. Fill in the gaps with things that are just OK, and you will be fine. Take pleasure in the little things. Many times they are the most important.

Latin men still have some trouble in knowing that sometimes, a woman will prefer to have a listener than a hot lover. Just don’t overdo it, OK? They still like to party in bed. But the point is, life cant be filled by just one great thing. We need diversity to fit every mood we have. Staying in sync with someone is to listen to silent words, interpret a look, reading body language. And that any average Joe can do. All you have to do is pay attention.

Happy 2007

domingo, dezembro 31, 2006

One crisis at a time


I’m no hypocrite, and have no problem in admitting that a tooth ache bothers me more than all the hunger in Africa or the abuses to the human rights in China.

If you aren’t going to do anything about it, have no power to change things according to your sense of justice, talking about it and making a sad face is no more than a waste of time and pure hypocrisy.

Especially when you don’t help out, put on a poor show about it and got out to dinner in a fancy restaurant or spend a bundle in a perfume.

I’m not against luxury, the luxury goods industry creates many jobs and prevent a lot of people from having to compete with others less qualified that would have no chance against them. In fact, luxury goods are what create the need for excellence and advance in technologies.

I woke up early this morning and read a magazine I bought yesterday, that is supposed to bring you up to date with the world matters. Social issues and politics, some scandals and tricks used by the rich and famous to rise above the crowd and be successful in life. Basically it adds nothing to my perception of human relations and what people are capable of to get a minute attention by the media. Some articles are interesting thou. Not too profound, more like an appetizer.

One spoke of the new trend of seven stars hotels. The rich are fed up with the lack of exclusivity they get at a Sheraton, for instance. They want to be indulged, have no one bothering them while they take time off. I can understand that very well. Being stalked by the press and fans everywhere you go has to be emotionally exhausting. Even I, an ordinary Joe, many times want to take some time off from the world and my of life.

Taking time off is one of the best things we can do, otherwise our entire existence is drowned in what we usually do, and there is not time left to get to know other realities, forms of thinking and life styles. What we call cultures. That leads us to evolution. And since evolution is based on change, to many, a crisis can occur.

Some of us have evolved into something called “crisis manager”. We perform what is multitasking in computation. Let’s get a little technical here.

Lot’s of computers were sold (and still are) with a single word. Multitasking: the ability to perform numerous tasks simultaneously. And the salespersons showed that happening, right in front of the shoppers very eyes. You can listen to music, be on the internet, play a game and burn a DVD all at the same time. Well, that’s just the sugar coat. In reality, what you have inside that computer is no more than a single processor acting like a fireman. The operating system (managing program) is guiding his actions, telling it when to work on a task, what to do, how fast and for how long. By cycling very fast the tasks at hand, to the shopper it seems that the computer can actually do a lot of stuff at the same time.

The only way a computer can do more than one task at a time, is by having more than one processor. That way, it can be working on more than one task at a time, without interrupting to put out the next major crisis at hand.

It might seem that we are like computers. That is almost correct, except for the timeline. Computers are like humans. Having only one brain, we too can only solve one problem at a time. Remember the panic button? That is what the computer is doing when you ask it to do more than one thing simultaneously. The big difference here is that computers are designed to work like that, while we weren’t. OK, not entirely true. We have that potential, but require some training, respect for ourselves and our space and mostly, serenity.

Managers are required to have those and other skills. Be able to work like a bottleneck that receives information, prioritize it, work, decide, and come out with answers to the problems posed. Since we are all managers at some level, we all are required to do the same thing.

Computers use something called a stack to keep track of what they have to do, done already and what happened to that information. Mathematically it’s a fabulous idea and in theory it works like a charm. In practice, sometimes it doesn’t. The physical world still has some secrets and we can’t yet explain everything. The exceptions to the rule happen so few times that they become unimportant and easily solved. Hit the reset button and you are on your way again. But the important thing here is, computers have flaws too. And we designed them, so we know almost everything about them.

Nature designed the human brain. We are still poking it and seeing what happens. We came with no instructions manual, so that’s the only way we have to try to figure it out. I got a taste of it when I was asked to learn how to program a robot that was in a German based programming language. Needless to say, I can only swear in German, and I’m still lousy at it.

Having only one brain, we have to act like the crazy fireman that runs off to the one with the biggest flames, and cycle thru them while trying to keep the whole house from burning down. Since we did not designed our brains and our knowledge over it is still very little, variables like emotions can cause a crash in our organic processor, AKA brain.

So, not knowing much about what our brain really is and how it works, we were still capable of building a machine that has those functions we already know of, and made it better: much faster, extremely precise, reliable, and recently, quite cheap. But it still can fail. If somehow it loses control over what is happening, it freezes. The panic button is still being pounded and the stack eventually fills up. Memory overflow. You just ran out of memory in which to store information about the new demands, and that is because you could not empty the stack fast enough.

Both computers and humans have limitations as to how fast they can get work done. And sometimes, if you want that job done, you will just have to wait.

In the modern world waiting is a forbidden word. We all want everything NOW. That is why we have memory overflow’s, and are increasingly making use of the reset button. Have you noticed how much more drugs we are using just to keep up with the pressure? And when drugs don’t work, we always have mental institutions for the one’s that couldn’t handle it.

Success is measured in a lot of ways. Technical abilities are required, but some expertise in emotional intelligence is fundamental. Let’s get tech again.

Most people associate the word Protocol to politics. Actually, a protocol is a set of rules that enable two entities to communicate. It’s like a language. You can understand me because we are using the same protocol, the English language. Well, humans need more than just a common spoken or written language. They need a behavioral protocol in order to be compatible. And in the case of emotional intelligence, it’s even harder, because the rules are always changing. You have to sync with the other person.

Try to picture yourself blind and using a cane to move around. You have to touch the objects in your path in order to avoid them and get safely to your destination with no bruised legs due to a collision with the coffee table or the fire hydrant. That’s how emotional intelligence works. You have to feel were are the emotional hard spots, and avoid them in order to get to a smile with the person you are talking to. Otherwise, you might get bruised, and these bruises take longer to heal.

Everyone is talking about emotional intelligence these days. Mostly directed to others. But what about using it on ourselves? We too have a need to keep functional, and when pressure increases, we can only do that thru self-respect. If you don’t respect yourself, you don’t respect your limitations, and eventually you will have to press that reset button. The people that put the pressure on you will criticize you for not knowing when to say halt, alleging that they couldn’t guess when you were over the top. Your crime: no self-respect, and as a consequence, you tried to compensate that by being a nicer guy, that never said no.

Computers were created based on us. We have prepared them to say no. So why do we demand more from us, than from the machines we created to serve us? Can it be that humans already deserve less respect than machines?

sábado, dezembro 30, 2006

Walking thru fire

I must say that this last year has been one of the most challenging ever. Even thou my course wasn’t easy, mostly because of my way of dealing with pressure, you can learn a lot in everything you get involved if you truly want to, and keep your eyes peeled.

So, in saying farewell to this year, I’m not going to rattle about new years resolutions, the kind everybody talks and make promises, and eventually never keep. Most of them are made during new years alcoholic waste state, anyway, and don’t even survive the hangover.

In a year of trial by fire, where I had to test myself again in all aspects of life, I must admit that the results weren’t perfect, but very satisfactory just the same.

Even if the prize you aimed for wasn’t achieved, it’s a sign of wisdom when you recognize that other benefits were gained. Life rarely seems fair, and when it does, it’s pure coincidence. We chose to believe in what suits the most to our emotional needs.

So if my goals weren’t achieved like I set them at first, why am I not mad or disappointed? Because that kind of attitude is in the past. You learn how to get jigged with it. Smoothly, not rocking the boat, you get a safer journey, and have more chances to reach your destination. Or you can have one hell of a ride. As long as you enjoy it, it’s OK.

Seeing life through the Budo spirit has brought me the serenity I needed. There are main flows of energy in the surrounding environment. Before I looked at life according to my own perspective of what’s right or wrong. That led me to fight off many of those flows, when a lot more powerful forces than mine weren’t going where I thought they should go. Seeing the world thru my sense of order clashed with reality, and the result: I was always the weakest link.

It’s not that I completely embraced life and it’s reality, it’s my nature to be a rebel at heart and to question everything along the way. It’s just that it doesn’t matter anymore, not the way it did before. Right now I’m playing my part, doing as I’m told. I make my point and let others decide what they want for the team. Getting to the limit had that effect on me. For the second time in my life I was stripped of all forms of control over my destiny and actions, and had to do the one thing I hated the most. Let others in charge.

If you remember basic physics from school, you recall force vectors. I studied that some years ago, about 17 now. At the time, I liked the subject and was quite good at those calculations. What I didn’t grasp was that force vectors are all around us, and can even have a poetic meaning. Martial arts students know that since those same arts were created. Even if you are stronger than the force opposed to you, why fight it? It’s much easier to apply a small force vector and direct it to anywhere you want. Need it to reverse completely? Add a circular motion, make that force go around your center of gravity and direct it back to where it came from. It’s almost like the Moon orbiting the Earth.

Every body has mass, therefore gravity, therefore influence. Even small force vectors can guide great ones. Try to oppose them and you will most likely get squished. We must always remember that alone we are the weakest link.

Walking thru fire was a learning process. I chose the roughest paths. Got burned more often than needed, spent energies in an unwise way and suffered unnecessarily. Today things are different. I don’t care about things that don’t affect my life directly. Screw the world in general. My world is what I focus my energies now, and that includes me, the people I love and my professional career. Everything else comes second.

Continuity seems to be the answer, so, later on, I might come back to this subject.

segunda-feira, dezembro 25, 2006

Something about the way a smile can touch you



Time and again I have met people that have had an impact on me one way or the other.

First impressions usually are the most accurate, and last longer. And sometimes even after first impressions, people can still amaze you.

Seeing how a person can overcome the bitterness life has brought and start smiling once again is one of the small miracles we can see every day.

And they do happen, not as often as I would like, but that’s just the way it is. All because people don’t change as we would like them to, but at their own pace. And allowing them to do it when they are ready is the best thing. Giving them breathing space, watching them change into who they really are inside, below the defensive layers we all tend to wear when someone makes you the favor of hurting your feelings.

You get the feeling that the world is out to get you, and you take cover. Duck and hide. Many times I have been in that place, and few of them I was lucky enough to have a friend that helped me slow down and think straight.

Although I know what it’s like to go thru it, it never ceases to amaze me whenever someone regains sweetness in their eyes. And I enjoy it like a gift life has brought me. To see a friend get back on track, smile and accept love and serenity.

Just having love and serenity isn’t quite enough. You have to make the right choices. Go after what you really want, and dare to risk.

I could talk all I wanted about struggling to become successful, working hard and making a living, but what good would that do without a smile? Perhaps the smile of the one you want beside you? Or yours?

This may seem mushy, but it’s something I learned some years ago. Life without poetry is like soup without salt. You eat it because you are hungry, but take no pleasure in it.

We all like having a self-image of a good guy, someone that is always there to help out a friend in need. There comes a time, however, when that friend is you. And poetry should be about what makes you feel good when doing something for a friend. By now you should have realized that poetry is just another name for love.

It has been a privilege to be able to escort some people in their path back to having poetry in their life. One in particular that will have no trouble in knowing who she is. Big changes have happened in the last months, all for the better. At first I only had faith in you. Now there is so much more. You have showed me that you are for real. Your strength has materialized, you have goals for which you are fighting for, and you have sweetness in your eyes. Seeing you smile has touched me in a special way. Thank you for allowing me to be there. I can only wait to see what more surprises you have up your sleeve. And I know you are strong enough. Question is, do you believe it?

sexta-feira, dezembro 08, 2006

The importance of unimportant

Catchy phrase, isn’t it? I thought so too. Thing is, it’s much more than a phrase. It’s a way of life. It’s a whole new deal. And how is that? Give stress a break. Let’s get down to a lower level and check out how this is done.

For starters, I’m not unique, which means that there are a lot of people out there that take their life and goals a little too serious. So serious that it became dramatic when certain things were unachievable for one reason or another.

How to cope to that extreme seriousness was a challenge. Things were not always that way. Somewhere along the line, it changed from an innocent childhood to a dark period, caused only by seeing things in black and white, no gray scale. When you feel losing ground, your world crumbling and you can do nothing about it, you have two choices: conformity or rebellion. Either way is not such a great choice. I lacked one very important thing, a midterm. Extremes are very easy choices. It requires no attention to details.

It’s kind of like having a meal. If you want to satisfy your physiological needs, you can go to a fast food. If you aim to give yourself a treat, get to a proper restaurant, order what you know is good, take time to enjoy the wine and whatever food you are served. Don’t rush in, let pleasure work it’s way into your senses.

Changes have become a constant in life, as most people said it would. But when those changes are for the worst most of the times, and it’s out of your control, then you can get really enraged and fight off any one that tries to mess with your reality.

One other aspect is that you get extremely defensive and deny entry into your world. No one gets in unless proven worthy over and over again. And sometimes you feel that conceding that reward is partly a favor you do to those that have been more than common friends for quite some time now. So, very few get there, if any. And the world will never get to know the treasures some of these people have inside, because they just don’t let anyone in.

Well, chilling out happens when you are ready. No matter how much people tell you what to do, how to act or react.

One tip, that no one who really needs it will acknowledge: Things are rarely as important or grave as we see them. Rushing into a response to whatever challenges life poses, usually hands out poor results. Prioritize. Have what’s more important, get to your attention first. Have the humbleness to know when you are over the top. Ask for help whenever you need to. And here’s the gold, take time to do nothing. Allow yourself just to relax and absolutely do nothing. Forget the agenda, toss out that enslaving wrist watch and the ever demanding cell phone. Say goodbye to your boss.

Alone or with a special someone, get out. Get to that special Zen place I was referring to earlier and just let yourself go. Take a break from the world. Even if everything is on fire, there is bound to be someone else to put it out. Even God took some time off at the seventh day.

So, when all things lose their urgency, nature finds it’s own way to fall back into place. Can you do that? Stop red lighting everything in your life? It will be worth the try, believe me.

domingo, dezembro 03, 2006

Fear of Perfection

Every day has its highlights. You come across people, ideas and concepts that make you go further in who you wish to become. Well, yesterday was no different. Having a conversation over a cup of coffee with a new friend, I told her about my experience as a worker, what I felt like on the factories floor level, and some of the things that I observe.

It was a strange topic to approach with a woman. Rarely are they that perceptive or inclined over such subjects, but it felt natural, so it was right. Talking to her, and then reviewing some of her questions, I started wondering about it a bit more.

In the beginning of my professional life, I couldn't care less about the company I worked for, if things went right or wrong, if my contribution was good or bad. I just tried to learn a bit about the whole deal with the elder co-workers. And it puzzled me that many times they didn't want to work better. Sure they all talked about quality, that if it's for the better, then we should change, but they only talked the talk. I could picture no one walking the walk. Heck, for a 20-year-old guy, that's not the end of the world. Life is so filled with better things to do than to wonder about the boss’s issues. All I wanted was my money in the bank every payday. Like most people, right?

Well, my bridge had a lot of troubled water going under, and sometimes even over it. I hopped from one company to the next, mostly having bad examples and learning how not to do things. Another strange thing... Shouldn't people simply tell you what to do and how to do it? It seems to be much more efficient and logic.

That's all fine and dandy when you think of machines, but here we are dealing with humans and all of their unpredictability. We have emotions rushing thru, and they are seldom logic. So what is it that makes people chose not to work in the best possible way? Why do they deliberately sabotage their work? Here's a hint. Perfection of procedures can be a bit frightening. People actually don't fear changes. What they fear is its consequences.

We like to have everything nice and tidy in our minds. That's why we label people and put them on a shelf like little jam jars. We stick in our heads that we know people we come across, label them and stack them up. It's easier this way. We can then turn them into numbers and account them. “In my lot of acquaintances I have 3 nerds, 1 fat stupid kid, that old crone of a mother in law, a fabulous wife, a chief who's head looks like a watermelon...” and so on.

Rarely do we see a person for all that he/she is. I would risk that we never do that, because we can't. It's too much to get to know on the first time we meet someone. Yet, the label is applied anyway. It's reassuring. And who doesn't like having a guaranty? Even if it's placebo, in our minds we can rest at ease, everything is in its “proper” place.

Of corse this solution has it's problems. As I said in the previous post, the world turned out to be dynamic. So everything is constantly changing at every instant. The time we took to shove the people we labeled into our shelves was enough for other people and the surrounding environment to influence him or her. So, the information we think we gathered is dated already. Sure it's a small change, but it was still produced. And it keeps happening even as you read this. Think about it, every second that passes, everyone you know and will meet in your life is changing.

The problem I was referring to is that when we label people, we don't allow them the right to change, to evolve. They still do, right before our very eyes. The best example I can give you is at everyone's houses. Family. Kids want their parents to always be there.

Parents don't want their kids to grow up. Men don't want their spouses to change. Women hope that their husbands will (women are the exception to the rule). And the reason is the same. Fear of the consequences of that change. We basically fear the unknown. “Will it be good? It will most likely be bad.” Most of us are pessimistic about changes. It seems as if we all have a little Murphy dictating his laws inside our heads. Not surprisingly, we feel and act the same in all aspects of life. Even if we don't panic, we usually always act suspicious about changes. Well, that brings us back to the original topic. Quality at work.

When things go wrong at work, you have to overcompensate in order to keep your goals. Dimensions, robustness, smoothness, deadlines... whatever the client demands and that gets you paid.

Most people don't feel fulfilled at work. If you ask around, most will complain about their bosses, colleagues, working conditions, wages, etc, etc. Some might tell you that they don't mind doing it, and probably very few of them will actually tell you that they love their jobs. Now don't ask this in a research center, people there will most likely love what they do. Ask the average Joe.

Emotionally, we all tend to compensate our flaws. So if we don't feel fulfilled with our jobs, maybe we can feel needed. When things go wrong, the chief or boss will ask me to put out the fire. And I can say that in a proud tone of voice at the bar, at the end of the day when the boys gather for a couple of beers. I said earlier that parents don't want their kids to grow up. Exactly the same reason. To feel needed. Then one day they will rebel, sick and tired of being treated like children, and we suddenly realize that they are taking driving lessons. Or maybe when they ask for the car keys for a night out. The emotional downfall is the equivalent to a car crash going 200 km/h. You go from being the most important thing in a person’s world, to complete uselessness.

Of corse people over react. No one goes from great to shit. But with hurt self-esteem, that's what humans do. They punish themselves for not being able to be number one for another day. For not being your kids hero anymore. And we all want things to stay still, sometimes accepting changes in our lives, but expecting them to be at a pace that we can easily digest. Guess what, no such luck.

The world, even the universe has it's own dynamics, it's own pace. The amount of energy required to alter that would be close to infinite. We are very little, and actually powerless to tip the scales.

Back to the working context, people don't like changes when they feel they are needed. If they already feel they are not an important part of the team, they don't give a rat's ass. Me at the age of 20 :)

Talking about quality doesn't bother them. However, it bothers the ones that are usually called to put out the fires, even if they started it themselves with procedures that they already know are wrong. But it keeps them on their toes, they earn more money doing overtime, and they can brag about it at the bar. It's like watching Homer Simpson at Moe's.

When these people hear a whisper about changes or quality, they usually turn on the panic button. "What will happen next? Will I still be needed? Will I still be called to put out the fire? Will I still be the hero? If the work process gets better, will I still make money doing over time? And what will I tell next at Moe's bar? Life will probably be dull. I won't have any complaints of my own when I get home. I will just have to put up with the crap other people will throw at me, and have none to throw back. People will think I have an easy life. And what if they decide that they don't need me at the factory anymore? If everything is predicted, there will be no emergencies, no fires to put out. I will get sacked”.

You can see here how panic mode works. Besides, people hate changes. If you have never read the book “Who moved my cheese?”, do it. It's a must believe me. Now for the news flash. Jobs aren't steady. For a few dozen years we created the artificial illusion that they are, and that you can land on a company and sit there your entire life, without doing much, demanding as much as possible and no one will ever kick you out. That happened in the post WWII period. This artificial illusion is fading, as we enter a new social concept. Service providers. Entrepreneurs. People that specialize in an area, have small companies and compete with each other for costumers that knows how to seek for the better offer. So quality is here to stay, weather we like it or not. As long as there is someone else providing the same service we do, the costumer will be free to choose. And if you want to stay in business, you better stay on your toes.

You take the same person and put him in two different scenarios. One, in which he works for someone else, and Two, he has it's own small company. You tell me in which situation he will work the hardest, and in which will he embrace quality. In Portugal we have a feeble way of using resources. We are a bit like the Americans, like to use the big guns. Having no patience will eventually do that; you start using a cannon to kill a mosquito. And what is the Portuguese biggest weapon? The jewel of the crown that makes every other foreign corporation envy and seek in Portuguese workers. Resourcefulness. What we call “desenrascanso”. Basically, it means, when you get deep into shit, figure out a way to clean your own ass. And we do, we have that skill.

Most Portuguese are almost like a McGuiver. We are very creative in tough situations, we get the job done with no apparent resources and we get out of tight spots. Trouble is, that might be effective, but it sure as hell aint efficient. To do so, we use tools in a way they were not designed for.

Give a German a nail and ask him to put it on a wall, and he will refuse to do it without the proper hammer. Do the same with the Portuguese guy, say it's an emergency and he will take off his shoe and bang the nail with the shoe's heel. He will ruin the shoe, but the nail will be in place. I think you get the picture. So, resourcefulness doesn't seem like much, does it? If you ruin something that costs 20 times more than the proper tool to do the job, it doesn’t seem like the logic thing to do. That is why I said that we are effective, but not efficient. We tend to call for the artillery to kill that mosquito. How? By using resourcefulness in every situation.

Resourcefulness is great for prototyping, but not for a process that aims to be steady. It's for emergencies only. That is why German teams will usually beat the crap out of ours in such conditions, but one element versus the other in an isolated case, they don't stand a chance. If we could only conquer that need to call for the artillery every time we have a situation that repeats itself, we wouldn't be in this economic shit hole.

All it takes is to forget that the panic button exists, think clearly and study the processes. Keep implementing improvements. There's quality for you. As for the question of not being needed, that's just lack of vision on the part of people. If you improve whatever project you embrace, if you evolve and get better as a person and a professional, even if that company eventually doesn't require your services anymore, others will.

Good professionals are hard to come by, and often well paid. Companies aren't eternal, either way. We see a lot of them going bankrupt, and people that sat tight in their asses thinking that no one would move their cheese, will one day find that nothing lasts forever. Not having evolved, they are the ones that will have a hard time finding another job. So why fear perfection?

sexta-feira, dezembro 01, 2006

Boundless through boundaries?


For a long time now, I've thought that leaving this country would be to let go of all things that bind me here.

Not having important worldly possessions, like a house of my own would certainly ease the process. It has occurred to me that it might not be so linear. Some of my most bitter experiences in life have made me need a place to come back to. Having someone there would be fantastic, but still, a place of retirement were you go to lick your wounds and recover from life's blows. Something I eventually called my Zen place.

In truth, life is as complicated as we make it. It's really very simple to work things out if you don't just up and panic. Remaining seated and thinking of the problem with logic is often much more productive and even reassuring to those that surround us. Leadership qualities.

Sometimes it's even better to put a problem to which we don't have a clue, inside a mental drawer. Let it simmer; come back when you think you have the answer. Repeat until you do. Thinking straight requires serenity. Inner peace is what gives you your balance, and with balance you can achieve many things. Here we can work on a static level, wondering about philosophical problems, for instance.

However, in the modern world, things are far from being static. Dynamics seem to be the answer to everything. Fast and furious. Not so fast Jack. Hit the brakes, your are going down.

As any Martial arts student will tell you, most of the techniques they use would be impossible to achieve without one wonderful thing that was probably invented even before civilizations. Leverage. Brute force can take a lot of energy, wear you down, and you might not even get the job done. So a direct approach can be a bit dumb sometimes. However, by using a lever you can multiply your effectiveness and achieve your goals with a lot less strength.

If you have read some of my blog earlier, and paid enough attention, you know by now that no small subject is without a catch. So where is it? Elementary, my dear Watson... Leveraging can be used in every day chores, so it can save your ass. Try to spend a day picking up sacks of cement and you will get an inside view of what I'm talking about.

Wonderful thing about mankind, no matter what we say, we are all lazy. Being lazy is not a bad thing; it just means that you want to spend as little effort as possible in a task. That is why Man became inventive. So, to save his and his fellowman assess, he invented a machine to pick up the sack of cement. Nice, isn't it? Now he can get the job done, faster and with little effort.

Social wise, Man also discovered shortcuts, or longcuts, if you will. Thing is, we became aware that the shortest distance between two points may not always be a straight line. Or the fastest. You just can't do without avoiding dead ends. Learning to deal with people is much harder than learning to deal with machines. Believe me, I know.

Robots might be a stupid thing, but they always do what you tell them. People don't. And they might not even have a reason for it. So it's up to us to be emotionally cleverer, so you can get others to buy your ideas or do what you want them to do. Social leavers. By paying attention to details, small subtleties and working on them, you get to make fabulous things happen.

Think of Formula 1. There really are no bad teams or racers. All of them out there are capable of high performances, way above the common mortal. The difference between really good and excellent sometimes is just a fraction of a second. And what makes them beat that fraction of a second is working hard on details. The closer you are to your limits, the harder it is to make progress.

So what has the initial idea of this post to do with all this? In what way is a Zen place connected to Martial arts or Formula 1? Easy. No enterprise can be achieved thru stress. Turn on the panic mode and you are bound to screw up. You will have to work harder, use more resources than necessary, you won't think straight and if you get by harmlessly it will be plain dumb luck.

I just realized that I have looked most of my enterprises in life like a monster that needed to be tamed. I panicked without a reason, and basically had all that I described above happening to me. The last 10% of my life put me through ordeals that led me to the edge. Either I changed my perspective on things or it would mean the nut house.

Being here writing this is in itself a proof that I've changed for the better. The reason for writing this is that I already embarqued in an enterprise that I feared would bound me and prevent me from ever leaving this country, and that I always saw as a monster. Funny thing thou, I feel more free than before.

So, can it be that it is possible to be boundless through boundaries? That a place to come back to isn't castrative? Actually, my bindings have always been in my mind. That is what always prevented me from taking the next step. I was actually so focused on the problems at hand that I didn't take the time to look for solutions. You guessed it, panic mode. And no, you can't become boundless thru boundaries. What you can do is not get entangled in them.

Boundaries will always be there. Either your own limits, friends, a house to live on, your personal stuff, a girlfriend, kids, and so on. All that help make our lives what they are.

sexta-feira, novembro 24, 2006

Me, my own Nemesis


It is a change that might be too profound for some of my readers, but right now there is someone that justifies that choice.

A certain and very special person doesn’t understand my language, and for me it's important that that person can read my writings and my way of thinking. So, here's looking at you kid. You know who you are.

To everything there is a dark side. In everything we have to include everyone. In everyone I have to include myself. I have made tremendous progress over the past year. Found out a lot about my true self, my abilities and my limits. Especially those last. I must say that it is a wonderful thing to find our limits. I finally have found a way to respect myself in a different way. An honest way. A way in which I don't hold a grudge at myself when I'm not perfect. The ability to forgive myself was a great step. One that took me to power down my brain in order to escape insanity.

Life is sometimes almost too hard to bare. But when you learn to deal with them, it's a whole new different thing. Learning is a tough process. You sometimes have to question things that you cherish, the person in the mirror, the future you dreamt of. Refusing to face reality is allowing your Nemesis to grow inside and overpowering your destiny and the way you affect the people around you.

I don't know if I have found happiness yet. A lot is still missing. But is happiness an absolute thing? Is it only achieved when you fulfill every objective in life? If that is true, it's a really sad reality. Most people will never get to know happiness that way. And although I've given up on wanting life to be fair, I think that it would be a little too cruel.

Having some little things in life to which to hold on to, I get the feeling that happiness can be lived in small bits to which we hold on to and remember with a smirk. There are some things that are missing in my life. Things that will make me pull thru and keep progressing in life. Fatherhood would be one of those things.

It's been some years now since I've started to have the need of having a child in my life. I don't want my mistakes to become an empty learning, that will serve to no one else but me. It would be a joy to be able to help a new life to find an easier way thru its path.

Some other things are important too. They are a bit too private to publish here, thou. Whoever needs to know about them already does, so there is no need for public disclosure. Everyone has the ability to become their own Nemesis.

Whether we become our worst foe or the best friend, it all depends on how much we respect ourselves and choose to lead a life based on truth or not. Love can have a great deal to do with it. Sometimes having the love of someone has the effect of leading us away from the path of self destruction and hatred. The same effect can be achieved when you get rid of bad things in your life and free yourself to dedicate your energies in the pursue of your goals, and happiness. You no longer survive, you start living. And that is no little achievement.

This wasn't one of the most inspiring evening to write. Usually I don't even write when I don't feel really up to it. But tonight it was important to do this and start showing more of me to that person that has become so important to me and can't understand my language. Even so, what's inside of me is no secret. To you kid, my Friday evening over a rainy night. My thoughts were to you all thru this post.

quinta-feira, agosto 31, 2006

Peter Pan


Já conheceram pessoas que vos parecem ser a personificação do Peter Pan? O termo até foi adoptado pela psicologia, onde define uma pessoa que se recusa a crescer emocionalmente, tendo atitudes de criança como mecanismo de defesa. É qualquer coisa assim do género, não sou especialista.


Conheci à cerca de 2 anos atrás uma pessoa que me fez lembrar a dita figura. Hoje, numa noite em que aturei gente terrivelmente chata, e logo no meu primeiro dia de férias, essa pessoa entrou no bar onde eu estava e num dos seus acessos (que só não estranho porque já vi que é normal nela), pergunta-me que história é essa de lhe chamar Peter Pan. Demasiada gente a meter-se na conversa, com copos a mais já vazios em cima da mesa que tinham feito a sua função para gente já de si é meio chata sem ajuda, fizeram com que eu conseguisse esquivar-me à pergunta de maneira airosa. Ou seja, não respondi. Até porque quem lhe contou isso fez o serviço completo e explicou o porquê da alcunha.


Despedi-me dela chamando-a novamente assim, apesar do ar desesperado de socorro que ela tinha enquanto aturava o bêbado chato. Sei perfeitamente que ela se sabe safar sozinha, bem demais até. Defende-se tanto que é preciso ser um louco para tentar furar as barreiras que ela ergue, ou então estar totalmente apaixonado. Sou louco mas de um tipo de loucura ligeiramente diferente da necessária, e apaixonado por ela não estou. Fazer coisas dessas por desporto já me passou (vantagens de ser cota).


Voltando ao assunto, a menina Pan é alguém que exibe marcas profundas de sofrimento, e que ataca antes de as pessoas terem provado as suas intenções. Não a censuro. Já lá estive. Não é agradável e nem quero voltar a viver assim. Demora até percebermos que as pessoas só nos magoam se lhes dermos essa possibilidade, e que magoar primeiro não é garantia de sairmos ilesos. Outra caracteristica dela é ser uma pessoa de personalidade forte, determinada. Creio que ainda não sabe bem em relação ao que é determinada, mas que o é, é e pronto. No fundo, a imagem que me ficou da menina Pan é a de uma criança que não cresceu por não ter preenchido na sua infância aquilo que é normal uma criança ter, viver e sentir. Ela cresce apenas no estritamente necessário para que socialmente possa relacionar-se com as pessoas em volta e cumprir com os seus deveres perante a sociedade. Tem a sorte de ter amigos que compreendem isto e lhe perdoam muitas das suas derrapagens por entenderem que o seu percurso na vida não tem sido fácil que a aprendizagem realizada foi conquistada a pulso.


Por agora é como um metal forjado. Cheia de escória em volta, o aspecto não é dos mais bonitos. Quando perder a casca grossa, e acabar de ser polida pela vida, quem sabe que metal iremos encontrar? Bronze não é ouro, mas é um liga semi-nobre e igualmente belo se o soubermos apreciar.


Todos temos o nosso valor. As diferenças entre as pessoas podem dificultar o encontro com quem realmente desejamos, mas aumentam as probabilidades que essa pessoa exista. O facto de a maioria das pessoas não ser exactamente o que mais desejávamos encontrar, não significa que sejam más ou inuteis. Se tudo fosse ouro, esse metal acabaria por perder o seu carácter especial por falta de termo de comparação. E já vi trabalhos lindissimos feitos com outras ligas metálicas, em que só as formas, o cuidado como foram trabalhadas pode exceder em muito o valor do ouro, que assente no seu valor de base, talvez até nem seja na maioria dos casos trabalhado até que se torne uma obra de arte.


Exigir dos outros que sejam aquilo que não querem ou não estão preparados para ser na altura é em si um acto de violência. Pode ser uma violência motivada pelo amor para forçar um crescimento necessário, mas aí há que saber quando parar, antes que acabemos por ferir irremediávelmente os Peter Pan que existem por esse mundo fora. Está no seu direito crescer quando bem entenderem.

Pés assentes no chão

Tive dúvidas durante bastante tempo sobre a publicação deste post, até me esqueci dele. Hoje quando o ia apagar, senti que fazia sentido ainda a publicação destas palavras e dos sentimentos a elas associados. Quem as ler que pense para si se valeram os bytes que ocupam, e se achar que deve, critique pois será bem vindo.

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A serenidade tem o condão de chegar nas horas mais apertadas. O aceitar do destino que se apresenta à frente consegue fazer com que o desespero dê lugar ao alívio e por vezes ao sorriso.


Quando era garoto tinha muito tempo livre no Verão e numa dada altura coincidiu com uma edição dos jogos olimpicos. Revisitando as minhas memórias, recordo que a atenção que dedicava às provas dos atletas me permitiu na altura comentar as suas prestações tão bem como os juízes o faziam, e na brincadeira até atribuia notas que variavam muito pouco das reais que os juizes emitiam segundos depois.


Nunca fui um desportista, e nem nunca mantive essa ilusão. Gosto de actividade física, de me colocar à prova, mas não de competir. A competição impõe contornos demasiadamente sérios e graves a coisas que deveríamos estar a fazer apenas porque gostamos.


Participei naquelas iniciativas escolares em que se fazem algumas provas de corrida e outras, e numa delas, fiquei em último, tendo tido 2 ou 3 elementos a desistir, o que me colocou na referida posição. Na altura não soube porque teimei em concluir o percurso, apesar dos comentários dos colegas. Hoje sei. Nem todos podem ser os melhores. A maioria das pessoas talvez seja boa em 2 ou 3 assuntos, sendo razoável noutros tantos e medíocre em muitas das solicitações que lhes surgem durante a vida. Então não sendo bom na corrida, porque quis eu concluir, ficando em ultimo lugar? Muito simples: metas pessoais. Podemos até nem conseguir concluir a tarefa em mãos, mas se essa é uma meta pessoal que temos, devemos de a levar tão longe quanto possível. Hoje vivo novamente uma situação semelhante. Com o fim do prazo para a apresentação do projecto à vista e sem qualquer esperança de que um milagre possa resolver a situação, tenho a felicidade de me encontrar numa equipa que mesmo sabendo que vai acabar em ultimo, continua a correr enquanto for possível.


Parti para esta prova numa posição desfavorável, mas mesmo assim abracei o projecto. Corri o mais possível com os meus colegas, enquanto pude e dei o contributo que consegui. Creio que já ninguém é louco a ponto de acreditar num final feliz. Mas esta forja acabou por mostrar a fibra de muita gente, garra e dedicação. A aprendizagem aqui produzida e o know-how gerado vai ser desmembrado e acabar por dispersar-se. Nunca se sabe onde e em que condições nos venhamos a reecontrar, mas para já, sinto-me grato pela oportunidade que recebi, e pelos colegas que trabalharam a meu lado. Algumas vezes terei sido menos correcto com eles, ou eles comigo, mas no final do dia fazemos um reset e temos de conseguir funcionar em conjunto com eles novamente.


Encontrei grandiosidade para lá das minhas espectativas em cada um deles. Verifiquei que cada um de nós deu o seu máximo dentro da medida do possível, o que conquistou o meu respeito, apesar de reconhecer que não mostro essa gratidão a todos os instantes. É a minha veia militar a latejar que muitas vezes cria alguns atritos. Já lá vão 10 anos e ainda não consigo ser completamente civil. Mas isso também não é grave. Sou como sou, e aceitar isso é atingir a serenidade necessária para aos poucos fazer os ajustes que forem possíveis.


A vida ainda não me trouxe um ponto de apoio onde aplicar a alavanca e poder mover o meu mundo na direcção certa. Acumulo experiências, salto em frente e vou tentando levar um dia de cada vez. Tentando porque uma caracteristica minha é a de calcular o somatório desses dias de tempos a tempos.


Estou a precisar de férias. Tenho receio de que o Inferno conquistado possa voltar a surgir à minha frente, e eu não tenho a menor intenção de repetir o que já se encontra no Passado. Por isso tive a necessidade de levantar o véu perante a minha chefia e mostrar que cheguei ao meu limite. Não me é possível continuar na frente de batalha e garantir a mesma eficácia que eu já dei noutras situações.


É uma pena que no final desta jornada, a equipa que finalmente está a formar-se se venha a perder. Quando um colega me afirmava constantemente que eramos uma equipa, eu sempre lhe disse que não. Não passávamos de um grupo de pessoas, descoordenadas e sem unidade. Hoje, depois de sermos postos à prova no fogo real, estamos a atingir esse patamar.


As pessoas precisam de conhecer os seus limites e os dos colegas com quem trabalham. Necessitam de ter a possibilidade de berrar, espernear, incomodarem-se uns aos outros. É aí que se descobre quem somos realmente. Quando voltamos atrás e pedimos desculpa pelas explosões que tivemos, pelo nosso mau génio, pela forma como stressamos quem nos rodeou. Afinal, todos queríamos o mesmo, mas por caminhos diferentes.


Na vida nunca chegamos a saber nada com 100% de certeza. Vamos passando pelos anos com pontos de vista mais ou menos esclarecidos sobre o que nos rodeia. É importante que sejamos capazes de rever o que julgamos arrumado. Se quisermos ver a vida a preto e branco as coisas raramente recebem a importância que realmente merecem.


Creio que já é mais que evidente que sinto orgulho nos meus colegas. Longe da perfeição, cada um deles acrescentou alguma coisa de positivo a este esforço colectivo. Pode ser ensombrado, mas não deixa de merecer ser celebrado este resultado. Propusemo-nos ao impossível. Embarcámos numa loucura. Demos o melhor e não conseguimos, mas de tudo isto surgiu um conjunto de bravos que muito farão por si e pelos outros no Futuro. Tenho a certeza que cada um de nós recordará estes tempos duros com saudade daqui a uns anos. E todos saberemos porque corremos até ao fim, mesmo com a certeza de chegar em ultimo lugar.